


End Of The World - Frerard

by ISweepy



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27501748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ISweepy/pseuds/ISweepy
Summary: A thousand letters to you my dear.
Kudos: 3





	1. tag ein und zwei

Day one

This is so stupid. But how else do I say this. You're.. holy shit, you're

You promised. You fucking looked me in the eye and promised me- Did you know you'd leave? Back then

I found the little playlist you left me. Is this supposed to make me feel better? A couple of break up songs from your favorite artists?

Miserable At Best. We listened to Mayday Parade together on road trips. Remember when we went to Lukenbach, Texas? 

Slow Dancing in the Dark. You fucking prick, this played on our prom night. You kissed me, things never felt more perfect.

End Of the World. It feels like the end of the world. Why'd you fucking go. Your note, your damned note. I found you. I found you after my interview for Vogue. It seemed pretty good, they really liked me, and I was gonna come home and open a bottle of champagne, we could watch Supernatural or dance to Lover is A Day, you know, like when you asked me to be yours? 

And then I found your body on the fucking floor and I still can't get the blood stains out. They took your body away and it's only been a day but it feels like infinity. You're not coming back and that's the most painful part. You always said you'd come back. 

You told me to keep going, but you broke your promise, why can't I break mine?

It's what you wanted though, I'll try. I really fucking hate you though, I'm so fucking mad.

~_~_~_~

Day two

You're in a morgue.

Your body, with your beautiful face and eyes and hair and curves- it's in a morgue frozen until we can bury you.

I don't think I can handle the funeral. It's in a week, I'm not ready. The guys came over, Ray and your brother. Mikey's a mess Gee, he's so fucking sad. I smelled alcohol on him. Ray is trying to cover it up but he's breaking at the seams. Did you stop to think what the fuck this would do to us? 

I keep telling them I'll be alright, to go home and get some sleep, but truth is I haven't slept since I found your body. Truth is I'm standing in the bathroom at two am staring at the bloodstain, remembering your dead body and the times I slept next to that body, the time I danced with it and shared my first kiss with it.

We told each other if the other died we'd do everything to keep going. You told me you wouldn't be mad, in fact you preferred it, if I found someone new.

I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. Maybe it's too early, anyways, but you're perfect. There's no one else I'd rather want. 

It's only day two and I don't think I can take much more.


	2. tag nuen und elf

Day nine

The funeral was today. I couldn't do it. I'm sorry, but I saw your body and I broke down. I couldn't do the speech. Ray took me outside to calm me down. I started hyperventilating, I'm still calming down.

You're dead. You're really dead and I just saw you for the last time. I couldn't even say a few words in your honor. What kind of fiancé am I?

I love you Gerard.

~_~_~_~

Day eleven,

Your body is now in the ground with the mites and worms. You're too beautiful for this, Gee. You should be up here cuddling with me. It's Friday, we should be watching Silence Of the Lambs, or writing new music.

We were gonna create a band. Fuck, we did, we had an album Gee. It was good. We were good. 

I don't know why you left. What happened, if anything did. 

I keep thinking you'll come home but you don't, and then I remember you're gone, and I'm back to sulking.

I think it's better if I think you're working in the studio, writing lyrics, and you'll be home in a few hours. But a few hours is a few decades, when I die and see you again.

Or maybe, I can make it a few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wie interessant


	3. tag vierzehn

day fourteen,

it's hard to breathe. you'd calm me if you were here, but you're not and i'm a mess

i think mikey and ray are a thing. just to forget, you know

i think i'll die soon. i just can't keep feeling this way. either the pain will kill me or i will

i miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why u mad  
> why u sad  
> when u can be   
> g l ad e


	4. tag zwanzig

Day twenty,

Mikey and Ray spoke to me. Brought over groceries, made dinner, played a movie. They threw out therapy.

Apparently, my "break" is nearing its end. My boss might fire me if I overdue my short leave. I'm not leaving the house.

Yes I am, I'm taking care of myself. They're lying, Gee. I'll go to work, tomorrow, I will.

I've been eating. I think, I mean, I have, I just can't remember the last time.. before dinner with Ray and Mikey.

And I shower, but it's always been a thing that I don't do it often. That's just me. They know this.

I have to go to work, but it's hard to get out of bed. You should be here with me bribing me with food. But you're not. 

They expect me to be over you, at least enough that I'm working and making them money. They don't actually give a shit, despite their "condolences" and gifts. They're nothing. An apple pie won't bring you back.

I need to get up. It's so hard. How did you do this all the time? You felt terrible but nevertheless you got up and went about your day with a smile. I can't do that.

I think I'll sleep for awhile.


	5. tag zweiundzwanzig

Day twenty two,

Three weeks. It's been three weeks and then it'll be a month and then three and four and a year.

I keep thinking one day you'll come back but after so many that seems impossible.

But it's only been three weeks. I'll wait. As long as I have to, I'll wait


	6. tag dreizig

day thirty

it's been a month and i started going to work but it's so hard to focus and ray found the letters and

he wants me to go to therapy but i don't know if i can handle anything more

i get what you meant. when you said everything felt like a weight on your chest, pulling down your lungs and it was hard to breathe. that's why you could hardly keep up with your job or small tasks

i understand so much now. but it's too late. i'm so sorry i wasn't there gerard

what you said, in your note, isn't true. i didn't find you a burden, i didn't know how to help. i'm so sorry. i didn't know how the drugs and therapists weren't helping. it wasn't because i didn't care, i've just never understood it till i lost you

i wish there was a fucking time machine. i'd go back and fix it all and live the rest of my life with you. we'd grow old and i'd come home from that interview smiling and you'd be there pacing nervously and then i'd tell you i got the job. we'd bring out the wine and a netflix series, cheers to how well things are going

i'm so sorry, gee

please come back


	7. tag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a couple weeks after i started writing this i lost my brother. i tried to start this over with my own view of grief, but it wasnt working. frank sees gee as his lover wheras i see my brother as, of course, my brother
> 
> so the drafts i had on wattpad are gone as i deleted them, but ill try and carry this story on

im not counting the days anymore because i dont fucking care. i only know it's been over a month since you left and i can function again, im having an apetite again and ive gone out a bit but i'd rather stay inside

i still miss you. i still listen to the playlist i made and think about you and how you showed me those songs and how we went out everynight and the plans we made together

everyone talks about you all the time and i get it. they miss you. i miss you too but it's the same things and when i start to talk it doesnt come out right and it's overwhelming. i just want you to talk. i want to hear you again and hug you and eat dinner with you and play video games with you

this isnt right. it isnt fucking fair

you know i love you gee. did you know that? you held on for me and mikey, you told me you would but youre gone. did you know how much we'd miss you?

because if you didnt, and now you do, i hope theres an opportunity up there to press rewind and come back and get help and be with me

i wonder what would be happening if you are here. was this deliberate? if a god exists, why did he kill you? was it because if you didnt die, some other bad thing would happen, or are they just a sadistic fuck?

maybe they dont exist and you died because you wanted to and now you are and no one will ever see you again

i promise i wont forget you though. i wont. i swear


End file.
